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When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop
Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. ~Tommy Armour
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad & why you play good. ~George Archer
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~G.K. Chesterton
Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it & run backward. ~Ken Venturi, on Art Rosenbaum
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. ~Ella Harris
If you're caught on a golf course during a storm & are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino
I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They're called naps. ~Merri Brownworth
I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension! ~Author Unknown
Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it. ~Abigail Charleson
Retirement: World's longest coffee break. ~Author Unknown
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun & fun is a lot more work. ~Author Unknown
In a dream you are never eighty. ~Anne Sexton
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. ~Abe Lemons
Life begins at retirement. ~Author Unknown
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~G.K. Chesterton
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. ~A.A. Milne
I don't intentionally spoil my grandkids. It's just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left. ~Gene Perret
When people start concentrating on the really important things in life, there will be a shortage of golf clubs. - Bub Pelham
Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown
Grandmas are experienced mothers, with lots of frosting!
What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, & they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret
Don't worry about avoiding temptation - as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. ~Author Unknown
When a man retires & time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. ~R.C. Sherriff
Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one. ~Elbert Hubbard
Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins. ~Jim Murray
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd
Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. ~G. Norman Collie
Old age is fifteen years older than I am. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore
The money's no better in retirement but the hours are! ~Anonymous
We are young only once, after that we need some other excuse. ~Author Unknown
Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it. ~Abigail Charleson
I enjoy waking up & not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. ~Gene Perret
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball. ~Gene Perret
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment & bad arithmetic. ~Author Unknown
Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain
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