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Sunday, July 12, 2009

Funny golf thoughts and retirement gems.

Goofy Golf Panama City FloridaImage by geishaboy500 via Flickr

Here are some funny golf thoughts and retirement gaffs that you can share with friends and relatives!


When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. ~Tommy Armour

One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad & why you play good. ~George Archer

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~G.K. Chesterton

Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it & run backward. ~Ken Venturi, on Art Rosenbaum

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. ~Ella Harris

If you're caught on a golf course during a storm & are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino

I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They're called naps. ~Merri Brownworth

I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension! ~Author Unknown

Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it. ~Abigail Charleson

Retirement: World's longest coffee break. ~Author Unknown

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun & fun is a lot more work. ~Author Unknown

In a dream you are never eighty. ~Anne Sexton

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It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. ~Abe Lemons

Life begins at retirement. ~Author Unknown

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~G.K. Chesterton

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. ~A.A. Milne

I don't intentionally spoil my grandkids. It's just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left. ~Gene Perret

When people start concentrating on the really important things in life, there will be a shortage of golf clubs. - Bub Pelham

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

Grandmas are experienced mothers, with lots of frosting!

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, & they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret

Don't worry about avoiding temptation - as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. ~Author Unknown

When a man retires & time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. ~R.C. Sherriff

Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one. ~Elbert Hubbard

Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins. ~Jim Murray

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. ~G. Norman Collie

Old age is fifteen years older than I am. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore

The money's no better in retirement but the hours are! ~Anonymous

We are young only once, after that we need some other excuse. ~Author Unknown

Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it. ~Abigail Charleson

I enjoy waking up & not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. ~Gene Perret

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball. ~Gene Perret

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment & bad arithmetic. ~Author Unknown

Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain





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